Hmmm… life plans. Can one plan an entire life by 22, or any age?
“Working on it,” I’d say with a smile, but really I wanted to sock them
in the face.
Conventional wisdom is so dumb, but it did my head in when I was
young. I was in awe of cousins and friends who had it “together” –
structure in their careers, wives at 23, down payments on houses.
“Shit,” I thought, “How do they make decisions like that? Meanwhile, I
was still deciding on lunch.
It wasn’t because I didn’t know what I wanted that I had such a tough
time with this. I spent a good chunk of my days noodling out what I
wanted: A partnership that could mean marriage. My own business helping
others that could make me uber-wealthy. To travel – which meant babies
later on, not in the next five minutes. Connecting deeply with people,
most likely through coaching. Impact and scale, which meant a magazine
that reached 15,000 people at once. I‘ve always known
on some level what I want; but they were not Answers with a capital A
that would satisfy people expecting to confirm their worldviews. They didn’t feel like they were talking to a Proper Person, because I’m not Proper, and neither are my answers.
I’ll show you. Here are some nonsensical things I’ve done in the last five years:
- Declined to attend medical school after taking the dang entrance exam and applying twice.
- Declined to pursue photography, even though I graduated with honors and worked with my idol.
- Launched World War III in my family because my relatives didn’t step up to help my parents when they should have.
- Ended an engagement with my soul mate because I wasn’t happy anymore (you just don’t call off the promise of marriage in Indian families.)
- Made career choices where I struggled, questioned myself, and felt embarrassed almost daily.
Do people have Answers as messy and awkward as that? Do they talk
about it at cocktail parties or weddings where they might look like
commitment-phobes, scaredy-cats or fools?
Conversations where I gave my answers and received wide-eyed looks of confusion reminded me to keep my honesty on my person.
Last year, I learned to keep my definition of “Answers” much more
flexible, whether asking or receiving. During a particularly confusing
career transition I asked my mentors – some of the smartest, brightest
people I know – “What’s the best career move for me?” Desperation looks good on no one, but I was desperate for answers and reassurance that I’d make it. I
sifted through their emails and found little tangible advice. Sift sift
sift. Moral support, encouragement, but no answers.
I was incredulous
and even angry. Of course I was grateful for their support, but I
thought, “Really? Some of the most successful people in the world don’t
have answers?” Not even a promise of answers to come?! This WTF moment
lasted for the next three weeks as I processed the chasm between my
expectations for answers and what I received.
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